08/14/2024

Let’s be selfish!!

I CAN NOT generalize, but I dare to say that most MEN in Latin, Oriental , Middle Eastern and many more cultures will not agree with me. The coercive persuasion is as impactful on them as it is on us women, that preserve the sexist mentality that have unfortunately negatively impacted generation after generation. 

I have the privilege of knowing some men of excellence to whom my message does not apply. To them I say, THANK YOU!!! Thank you for being the exception, for honoring the women in your lives, for being exemplary and magnificent male figures for your children and society.

Likewise, unfortunately there are very few. It’s a sad truth and it is my great hope that this message reaches many women, especially those who are part of my life.
To those beautiful matriarchs, fighters, hard workers mothers, daughters, grandmothers, aunts, nieces and friends.

Let’s give ourselves the pleasure of being SELFISH!!

IT IS OK to think about US and as I said in my blog part 2, let’s dare to be ok with saying NO. Give yourselves the time to work on traumas from our childhood, adolescence, young adults years. In many cases throughout our entire lives because we continue to repeat the pattern of our ancestors by staying silent, holding in the pain and even disgust from an endless number of trauma, abuse, threats, beatings, rape and the curse of BELIEVING that we have no choice but to continue bear these burdens in silence.

Is this what we want to teach our children??

How about the message that sends to the men in our lives and we’re teaching the next generation of young men? We’ve all seen instances where they can do practically anything often without consequences that cause hurt, humiliation, BELIEVING that they are superior, that it is okay to abandon their children without assuming any responsibility, that it is okay to be unfaithful, cruel, indulge in vices, demand constant attention in every aspect?
To our daughters, who must be submissive, tolerant, servants of their partners and children, assume ALL the household responsibilities , taking care of the children, husband and often the in-laws and parents is our job because culture and tradition is more important than self respect and self love?

Let me be clear,“I am not at all against being mothers, wives and daughters of excellence.”
I am referring to extremes, which I observe and witness every day and it never ceases to surprise me that even in this 21st century we continue the pattern of machismo!
How can we take the first step?

Well, by reading this message with an open mind you are already taking it! It’s never too late to change our mindset and break generational courses. 

The second step could be the possibility of daring to ask questions to a therapist or family counselor. If this is not yet an option, we can educate ourselves by looking for answers in books, blogs, podcasts, documentaries on spiritual growth, mental and emotional health, or by talking about the subject with a person we trust. LET’S HEAL THE SOUL!

This thirst and need for change can be motivated by the mere fact of breaking chains and changing the pattern of behavior from our great-great-grandparents and ancestors with the great hope of a much healthier future for our children, grandchildren and generations to come WITHOUT stopping to live THE PRESENT but rather apply a small change and live one day at a time.

Let’s stop using the excuse of: “that’s how we were raised and it’s hard to change.”
Yes it is!! It’s hard! But it’s not impossible and we will never know until we REALLY try. Believe me, it will be worth it!

It’s beautiful to be a woman! It’s beautiful to be a mother! Be academically educated, be useful in every way, know a little about everything, feel needed. All of these is wonderful if there is a healthy balance, otherwise it is beautiful until it is exhausting!!
Have you ever wondered why sometimes you are full of rage? Why you are intolerant, impatient and end up getting depressed and feeling guilty? Well it’s because you’re exhausted of pleasing everyone but you!

Give yourself time. Not once a year. You need to do it at least once a day! An hour just for you, to read, to meditate, to have a cup of coffee, etc.

If this feels like a lot, then start with once a week.

The feeling of healing and evolution is incredible! By doing so, we learn to say YES out of love instead of out of fear and even more importantly, we also learn to say NO without feeling guilty. It’s a feeling of renewing liberation!

Let’s take care of each other, giving the opportunity to listen to whoever comes to you, let’s find someone we trust to listen to us. We could be changing lives without realizing it by passing this message to all the women in our lives. We could be contributing to prevent situations that could cause lifelong trauma which will destroy the self-esteem of some boy or girl who will be limited of being truly happy.

Let’s apply changes TODAY! so that tomorrow is not too late.
Let’s dream of changing the world, ONE STEP AT A TIME.

Paola Bozas