07/31/2024

Today I woke up feeling an enormous urge to record on a couple of sheets of paper what I did not dare and perhaps did not understand.

It’s time to evolve! I told myself, even a little bit, that it’s better than nothing. 

I realize so clearly how much ignorance we come from!!! I mean from our ancestors to us.

How many generations of lousy fathers and mothers, how much anger, resentment, sadness, frustration we carry.

Families and entire families hauling massive amounts of crap!

What I shed seems to be resentment, but it is rather the hope that our grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and generations to come will read my words and be of help to break chains.

Let’s stop once and for all from passing on our traumas to those to come.

I finally say to myself: Don’t be afraid to admit, acknowledge and express out loud that I’m not a bad person for the fact that I want to throw up everything I’ve had inside me for decades before conveniently forgetting once more to avoid the subject.

I come from imperfect, broken, ignorant great-grandparents, who did not have the opportunity or the courage to evolve, to BREAK CHAINS.

It is sad to accept the reality of seeing the same pattern of behavior in thousands and thousands of families.

This, as you will see, is not to emphasize, flatter or discard the good, the beautiful, the positive. This is already done and mentioned over and over again and we must not detract from it. It is rather to recognize the opposite, what does not change, what is hidden, what is swept under the rug, what is evaded, what is hidden and what is not talked about.

I am learning to understand what narcissism is, how much damage it does, how much it hurts, how much it humiliates, how much it discards, how much it ignores and how much it destroys.

It is said that we are all narcissists and it is not for less after analyzing where we come from. Likewise, when we begin to devalue others, not open our minds to other opinions is when we become toxic and selfish beings.

I do not lose hope that we heal our souls, our esteem destroyed. That we admit that it is okay to go for help with the simple fact of evolving. To improve, to leave a better legacy and why not, to dream that we can change the world one step at a time.

Paola Bozas